that single peeve.

Have you ever had days when you realized that there is just that one thing in your life that's imperfect? Its something you have no control over, try as you may to avoid, it just keeps intertwining with your path. Its like an oil spill in the middle of the road, you never ever wanna encounter one and there it is. And at the end of the day, you question yourself, why are you the one that has to chance upon it, how on earth did it end up there in the first place.

Sometimes I do think it is a test, to understand yourself better. These things bring out the worst in you, a side of you that you never knew existed. It pushes your patience to the limit, and you cannot understand why such an ugly thing would be allowed to manifest the face of the earth. There is no beauty in it- try as hard as I might, I cannot find that silver lining.

This thing, it haunts me. The further away I pull from it, it somehow finds a way to re-emerge back into my life. I hate it so, sometimes I wish that incessant nagging would just stop, but it never does. I do not see a point, how it finds joy in taunting me, and making me feel this way. What creature derives joy from another's bitterness and hatred? Then I take a step back, and chide myself for thinking such thoughts, and I realize, without the existence of it, I would not have such thoughts in the first place.

When faced with such a thorn in the neck, what am I to do? Run away from it? Hide? I have tried countless of times, it still creeps and crawls its way back into my life, like a mean termite infestation that never goes away. I have no answer for this problem that I face, but my only solace is staying as far away from it as I can, to distance myself, to treat it like none of this ever exist. Perhaps this is a sign, a lesson to be learnt, that some part of me isn't that perfect. That ugly human trait reinforced by hatred, it grows and it grows, and its trying to find a way out. It makes me miserable, but what does it care? Maybe this is my chance, to deal with it once and for all, to understand and learn that this is a weakness in me which I someday have to face, this ugly monster that is drawn out by that which plagues my life. I see no joy in being in its presence, I only see darkness and loneliness. Miserable is what I feel.


Then, there comes a gift from God, the antibody, the medicine to that plague. It arrives in the most unlikely of forms, but it is still a gift nonetheless. Suddenly, the dark clouds are gone, streaming rays of the morning sun bursts through the clouds. The ice melts, flowers bloom, birds sing and the stream flows to that melodic tune once more. This gift allows me to appreciate the finer beauties of life, the simple and sweet joy that I find in everyday things that surround me, of which I was unaware of. It drives that darkness away, it squishes it under its radiance, and my life is perfect once more.

I hope never to meet that darkness again, I know sooner or later, it will emerge someday, sometime. I can only hope to stay as far away from it as possible, and immerse myself in the many gifts instead. I have so much to be thankful for, so many joys that I could share with others as well. I will not let that darkness destroy it.

This entry definitely has a deeper meaning to it, one which I am sure not many would be able to easily decipher. But it has certainly provided me a channel to vent out my anger and frustration, without hurting anything in the process. Read into it if you must, but consider your own darkness as well. Everyone has one, its just a matter of time and place in which it will creep into your life unknowingly, leaving you to deal with the aftereffects when it has passed.